I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
