Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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