he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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