I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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