life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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