I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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