You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
