I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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