i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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