also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
