Whatcha textin bout Willis?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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