nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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