ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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