I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
