im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
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