Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize