Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
