You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I touched a dick in church today
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
