smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
