birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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