Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
a search helicopter?!
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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