I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
