The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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