brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
