9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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