just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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