Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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