1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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