I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize