so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
