just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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