I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
