Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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