She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
