mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
