Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize