Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
