So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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