She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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