halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
