Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Soap is not a condiment
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize