By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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