Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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