Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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