stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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