i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
