Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
