The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I love how my cats smell like pot.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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