census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Couch. On fire.
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