Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
