Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
