You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
