So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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