he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
