I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
