So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I think I died a long time ago.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
