I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
