A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
