my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
